{"id":1060209,"date":"2026-07-31T03:04:05","date_gmt":"2026-07-31T00:04:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shtetel.co.il\/?p=1060209"},"modified":"2026-07-31T03:04:06","modified_gmt":"2026-07-31T00:04:06","slug":"%d7%9e%d7%a9%d7%91%d7%a8-%d7%94%d7%a0%d7%a9%d7%99%d7%a8%d7%94-%d7%94%d7%90%d7%9d-%d7%a9%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%95%d7%9f-%d7%94%d7%a9%d7%9c%d7%9e%d7%95%d7%aa-%d7%a9%d7%90%d7%a0%d7%95-%d7%a2%d7%95%d7%98%d7%99","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shtetel.co.il\/en\/news\/1060209\/","title":{"rendered":"The dropout crisis: Is the armor of perfection we wear the wall that blocks our children?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>When the dropout crisis hits our home, the survival instinct pushes us to put on an armor of ideological rage and cold, distant rigidity - to hide the shattered heart \u2022 But perhaps exposing vulnerability, tears, and human pain is the only key that can melt the high walls and pave the way back to our child&#039;s heart? \u2022 Rabbi Ami Baram on the right way to deal with the &quot;wayward son&quot;\"<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the first days after the discovery of the rift, many parents find themselves struggling not only for the child&#039;s identity, but also for preserving the family&#039;s public image. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the homes we have established, we often strive for the highest possible spiritual perfection; any manifestation of weakness is perceived as a serious spiritual flaw. There are quite a few parents whose natural tendency in such a situation, especially the fathers entrusted with the management of the home, is to lock themselves away in a protected fortress of cold halakhic fury. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They emotionally detach from the difficult situation, forbid themselves and their household members from crying, and use polarizing language to completely separate the &quot;wayward son&quot; from the pure and protected domestic space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But this psychological mechanism, ostensibly designed to protect our sanity and that of the other children, soon turns out to be a particularly destructive trap. Systemic emotional repression within the home does not alleviate the distress, but only buries that animal within the walls of the house, where it gradually poisons the entire atmosphere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> When we forbid the natural expression of grief and pain, we send a hidden and blood-curdling message to the grieving child, and to the children left at home: In this home, only the strong and the perfect are allowed. There is no place here for the broken, the erring, or those who have difficulty keeping up. This rigid message deepens alienation, erases empathy, and significantly accelerates the child&#039;s final distancing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Picture a state-of-the-art operating room in a state-of-the-art hospital. It is completely sterile, lit by cold fluorescent light, and cleansed of all germs and all human emotion. An operating room is a great place to make a precise surgical cut to remove a threat, but it is the worst place in the world to grow a delicate plant or truly heal a bleeding soul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A wounded soul needs a home. And a home, in its deepest essence, is not a sterile place. A home is a warm, sometimes messy space that lovingly contains laughter and tears, doubts and hopes. When we turn our home into a halakhic and alienated operating room, we forever lose its natural capacity for containment and healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The long-awaited transition from the halakhic operating room to the home requires courage from us to be vulnerable and human. Our experience with many families in the Roots program (on behalf of the Ektalot Association) teaches us that when a parent dares to put aside the armor of rigid reprimand, and share with the child their authentic pain from a soft, non-accusatory place, real magic happens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When the child sees a father who cries tears of real pain instead of screaming in holy rage, or a mother who honestly shares her feelings of brokenness without demanding that he change, the child&#039;s walls of cynicism begin to crack on their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The secret of Jewish strength throughout the generations has never been in denying the crisis or hiding behind masks, but in the ability to grow out of it with fragile humility. \"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,' says King David in the Psalms. When we allow ourselves to be \"brokenhearted\" in the presence of our children, when we reveal our humanity to them and overcome the fear of appearing weak and vulnerable, we create a solid bridge of compassion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We show them in practice that the Torah is not a cold, opaque robotics, but a pulsating doctrine of life that encompasses the entire range of human emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At the end of the complex journey, the language of authentic vulnerability is the only language that penetrates the thick veil of alienation. Do not be afraid of your tears, and do not hide them from your children. Transform your home from a rigid military post into a warm, enveloping, and embracing home port, even if it hurts at times. Always make sure to leave the physical door wide open, but more importantly, make sure that the door of your heart always remains open and inviting, with a clear, loving, and unambiguous message: Our beloved child, there will always be a safe place for you here, just as you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The more you hold this position consistently, the closer you will come to the long-awaited restoration with the Son, for whom we pray every day anew. Return us, O Lord, to You, and we will be restored - our days will be new as before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size\">\u2022 Rabbi Ami Baram, founder and CEO of the association &#039;Connection - Believers Together&#039;.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u05db\u05d0\u05e9\u05e8 \u05de\u05e9\u05d1\u05e8 \u05d4\u05e0\u05e9\u05d9\u05e8\u05d4 \u05de\u05db\u05d4 \u05d1\u05d1\u05d9\u05ea\u05e0\u05d5, \u05d4\u05d0\u05d9\u05e0\u05e1\u05d8\u05d9\u05e0\u05e7\u05d8 \u05d4\u05d4\u05d9\u05e9\u05e8\u05d3\u05d5\u05ea\u05d9 \u05d3\u05d5\u05d7\u05e3 \u05d0\u05d5\u05ea\u05e0\u05d5 \u05dc\u05e2\u05d8\u05d5\u05ea \u05e9\u05e8\u05d9\u05d5\u05df \u05e9\u05dc \u05d6\u05e2\u05dd \u05d0\u05d9\u05d3\u05d9\u05d0\u05d5\u05dc\u05d5\u05d2\u05d9 \u05d5\u05e0\u05d5\u05e7\u05e9\u05d5\u05ea \u05e7\u05e8\u05d4 \u05d5\u05de\u05e8\u05d7\u05d9\u05e7\u05d4 - \u05db\u05d3\u05d9 \u05dc\u05d4\u05e1\u05ea\u05d9\u05e8 \u05d0\u05ea \u05d4\u05dc\u05d1 \u05d4\u05de\u05e8\u05d5\u05e1\u05e7 \u2022 \u05d0\u05d1\u05dc \u05d0\u05d5\u05dc\u05d9 \u05d3\u05d5\u05d5\u05e7\u05d0 \u05d7\u05e9\u05d9\u05e4\u05ea \u05d4\u05e4\u05d2\u05d9\u05e2\u05d5\u05ea, \u05d4\u05d3\u05de\u05e2\u05d5\u05ea \u05d5\u05d4\u05db\u05d0\u05d1 \u05d4\u05d0\u05e0\u05d5\u05e9\u05d9, \u05d4\u05d9\u05d0 \u05d4\u05de\u05e4\u05ea\u05d7 \u05d4\u05d9\u05d7\u05d9\u05d3 \u05e9\u05d9\u05db\u05d5\u05dc \u05dc\u05d4\u05de\u05d9\u05e1 \u05d0\u05ea \u05d4\u05d7\u05d5\u05de\u05d5\u05ea \u05d4\u05d2\u05d1\u05d5\u05d4\u05d5\u05ea \u05d5\u05dc\u05e1\u05dc\u05d5\u05dc \u05d0\u05ea \u05d4\u05d3\u05e8\u05da \u05d7\u05d6\u05e8\u05d4 \u05d0\u05dc \u05dc\u05d9\u05d1\u05d5 \u05e9\u05dc \u05d4\u05d9\u05dc\u05d3 \u05e9\u05dc\u05e0\u05d5? \u2022 \u00a0\u05d4\u05e8\u05d1 \u05e2\u05de\u05d9 \u05d1\u05e8\u05e2\u05dd \u05e2\u05dc \u05d4\u05d4\u05ea\u05de\u05d5\u05d3\u05d3\u05d5\u05ea [&hellip;]","protected":false},"author":47,"featured_media":1060210,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[96],"tags":[65764,66035],"class_list":["post-1060209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-96","tag-65764","tag-66035"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\u05de\u05e9\u05d1\u05e8 \u05d4\u05e0\u05e9\u05d9\u05e8\u05d4: \u05d4\u05d0\u05dd \u05e9\u05e8\u05d9\u05d5\u05df \u05d4\u05e9\u05dc\u05de\u05d5\u05ea \u05e9\u05d0\u05e0\u05d5 \u05e2\u05d5\u05d8\u05d9\u05dd \u05d4\u05d5\u05d0 \u05d4\u05d7\u05d5\u05de\u05d4 \u05e9\u05d7\u05d5\u05e1\u05de\u05ea \u05d0\u05ea \u05d9\u05dc\u05d3\u05d9\u05e0\u05d5? 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